Real Life

So.

This past week, I finally moved out of my parent's house. I am now living on my own.

And it's scary.

All my life, I've been a kind of loner. I was really good at the angsty-artist thing. I only had two really good friends growing up. We said we would keep in touch after we went to college, but you know how that goes. Time, and distance, kinda took a toll on the friendship([s] respectively). I understood, and I never really felt like I was alone because I had a roommate, and even when we went our separate ways, I had the other people in the dorm to take comfort in. I felt like I was living alone. Which was good with me.

But now, I'm really living by myself. And even though I see people every day, I am still very much a loner. I want to be independent, but being where I am in my life, especially taking into account where I live, I have to rely on my parents. My life revolves around work and school. It's stressful. At least when I lived in the dorm, I had people around me going through the same thing. Truly living alone is harder than I thought. I thought I'd like living alone...you know? No distractions, hogging of the bathroom. No dealing with another person's problems. But it's just lonely. Especially when you have no one to share your stresses with.

I'm sorry for the blog-vomit. I guess the holiday and the visual of actually seeing my stuff in the trailer made the truth of adulthood all the more real.

Go hug a loved one. Everyone needs it at some point. Some are just better at hiding it.

New semester

Hello all. Sorry I haven't been updating very much lately, but so goes the way of life. Work had become my main focus during the end of the summer, and it doesn't really lend very much in the way of news, hence the fallen blog.

But never fear! I have returned!

School has started again. Yay. Because of financial situations, I am only taking one class, a photography class. Luckily, the (new, which is a sad thing, to anyone who knows where I go to school) teacher believes in marketing yourself, and the appeal of the internet in promoting your work. He told us to create a blog, website, or photo reel to show our work.

Luckily, I have my own website, so this class is killing two birds with one stone: giving me a reason to update my website weekly (75 pics a week, at least 4 "best of" on the medium of choice), and it gives me a reason to blog about it. Anyone at home can follow along if they'd like. It'll at least give you a reason to relax for a few minutes at least once a week ;)

This weeks project was to take pictures of Life in Public Spaces. This means that if the place that you are taking a picture requires money to be there, or it is paid for by someone (other than the government), you couldn't take pictures of it, or if you did, you'd have to find an interesting way of photographing it (such as in a reflection, or window).

I went out with the intent of photographing movement and reflections. As you all know, intentions are just that. What happens in the field can vary greatly from the origins. I got some great shots of empty playgrounds, walking trails that weren't in use, and some other interesting things that you'll have to visit my website to see. But the first two things take on whole new meanings if you think about how much money has been put to use establishing new programs surrounding exercise and the need to get up and do something. It was after 4 every day that I went, and I didn't see one child outside taking advantage of the lower-than-90 temperatures. Three playgrounds/trails with no one on them. Many people in the class found the same thing.

I feel like this class will require a different view on what makes a good photograph, and how the intent can be very different than what is shown.

Happy clicking!

Pulled muscles are murder

So...any prayers you could send my way would be much appreciated, as it seems that my penchant for accidental-injuries-with-no-clue-of-how-they-could-happen seems to be back. On my other blog (mentioned earlier) describes it in detail.

I still don't quite know how it could happen, but it hurts like nobody's business. It must be mentioned that this is the first time that I've pulled a muscle like that, so at least I can scratch that off my bucket list...

In other news, I'm editing the Janice Wyatt Summer Arts camp video again this year after filming it a couple of weekends ago, and again, I CANNOT believe how talented these kids are. I am so glad that there is a place for them to express themselves year after year. Growing up, theatre was my get-away from problems with school and being a teenager. On stage, no one judged you for wanting to talk in a strange accent to release some tension, or breaking into some song, even if you aren't currently performing a musical. I was blessed to be able to experience that, and I'm honored that I get to film this for posterity so that these kids can see how talented they are.

If you have the means to, please consider contributing to your local theatre, because most of them could really use the help, if only to keep the camps going for the talented kids of MS, or wherever you call home.

New

In an effort to get me life on a track I like, I started a new workout blog. It's there to make me consistently work out because of the added pressure I've put on myself to post every day, or at least every other day. Hopefully, it'll help me stick to it. We'll see how that goes.

If you want to give me encouragement, or some good, old-fashioned ribbing, check me out at www.onlyoneforemily.blogspot.com

What's the word?

Happy Wednesday, Bloggers,

So, as you can tell, I've been kind of ambivalent about my future in the Graphic Design industry. I think I've made a decision on that front: I'm going to finish this degree and then go back for another, one that I can see myself loving for the rest of my life. I'm beginning to feel happy about this decision, because if my second degree doesn't pan out, at least I'll have this to fall back on. Keep me in your prayers. It has kept me up many a night. Life has something more in store for me than I think, I think.

Frustration

Tell me Bloggers: When you get to the real world, is there ever a time when you find the perfect balance of personal time and work time? And a love of both?


Recently I've been feeling very burned out in school and life. I had a mini breakdown the other day when it occurred to me that I'd chosen a major that I don't think I'll love in 5 years. Don't get me wrong, I'm very interested in it, but it is a "pusher" industry, and I've never really been that person, especially if I don't personally like it. I worry that I'll fall into a job that I'll hate and then mete out that hatred of said job to everyone that surrounds me. That thought terrifies me.

I really enjoy creating art, even for mass consumption, but do I have to forego all the teachings of my previous study that said that I should create something that I love? Designing for the consumer is something that I've had to deal with a lot in the recent years, and I find that what I like about a piece of work that I've created is exactly what the customer doesn't like, and vice-versa. I used to think that I was fairly capable of producing work that appealed to the masses, but it hasn't been the case (more often than I'd like to admit). I feel like a loser (self-esteem discussed at a later time) when I make something that no one likes, when the CUSTOMER is supposed to like it. I feel like I'm selling out when I put something out in the world that I would NEVER in a million years want my name on (not that it's come to that point yet), and I just feel...like I'm just pushing a product that isn't new or fresh. I've found that clients either like a very specific thing that is hard to replicate in a way that will make it look presentable, or their ideas span a HUGE variety of designs which, when boiled down, are exactly what everyone else is doing.

I think I'm losing my touch. I feel very ambivalent about my future in graphic design. But I will finish my degree, because if I didn't, I would feel a crushing disappointment towards myself about my cop-out. What happens in the real world when you feel such distain for what you do?

School has gotten in the way of life...

I have decided to change the way I do this blog. In the past, I divorced myself from it, didn't use any personal pronouns, and limited myself to only four lines. That is going to change. Get ready world...

I like to write, but I haven't had time to in about a year. With this blog, I wanted to keep a kind of living journal of my experiences, but present them in a way that would change the way people felt about verbiage. That was a hard thing to do because sometimes I could even remember what I'd done because I'd also stopped taking pictures as a remembrance of events. School had taken over my life. I didn't think about anything other than what was due next and how long I could work on another design project before I had to get back to the one with the deadline looming. In short, I got burnt out.

That had never happened to me before. I was always good about working with deadlines, and although I am a self-proclaimed procrastinator, I always met them, and sometimes I even got them done early (shocker!). But college was a horse of a different color, and it didn't really hit me until my junior year. I had gotten all of my pre-requisites out of the way my freshman year and the first semester of my sophomore year so that I could work only on art, which in hindsight was probably the worst thing I could have done. My brain was always working on only one side, so my art suffered.

So I've revamped this blog in an attempt to redistribute my brain usage. Day one. So it begins.

Truth

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.

Anton Chekhov

So true.

Though, I hope this year is different than the past few.

I have vowed to live by the Serenity Prayer.

Hopefully, this year will be the least stressed,

most fulfilling, and best year yet.